I’ve been trying to figure out how to write about my life without addressing an audience, which is a terrible, terrible habit I developed on my old blog, and then, oh look, an entire week has gone by with no real posts or updates or any writing about my life going on up in hur. And now I’m writing a post addressing an audience.
I’ve been getting really, really good at wasting time. At finding ways to not feel so alone. At maybe letting it slip on my FACEBOOK that I have a secret anonymous blog and making Cautionary Husband, whom I had not managed to find a way to tell about the secret anonymous blog, very, very angry with me.
I’ve been eating everything in the world because I’ve been unintentionally losing weight. Just polished off a particularly yummy apple muffin top from Panera. Yesterday I managed to eat a Tiff’s butterscotch cookie, a Sprinkles red velvet cupcake, and a 99-cent box of creme-filled chocolates from Target, all in a time span of about four hours.
I’ve been worried, just a little, that I might be pregnant. But not worried enough (yet) to take a test. I just typed “taste” instead of “test.” Maybe I should take a test, after all.
I’ve been reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover. Hoo boy.
Accordingly, I’ve been trying to convince myself that sex is NOT the end all, be all. Even really, really good sex. Someone back me up here. Please.
I’ve been trying to convince myself that one day I will have really, really good sex again.
I’ve been getting used to living in just one place again.
I’ve been getting used to living by myself for the first time.
I’ve been taking a lot of baths.
I’ve been practicing guitar. I’ll be performing a cover of Feist’s “The Park” at my church’s Shrove Tuesday Talent Show. I’ve been filming ridiculous videos of myself performing “The Park” and then criticizing them endlessly.
I’ve been trying to figure out if I want to stay married.
I’ve been crying maybe just a little.
I’ve been supremely grateful for the support I receive here. Thank you, everyone, for brainstorming with me and without me. For sharing with me your ideas and concerns and worries. For your love.