Turns out I got me a Cautionary Guard Dog.

I’m not thrilled about living alone.  And by “not thrilled,” I mean TERRIFIED AS SHIT.  The day after I’d spent my first night at the new place, one of my downstairs neighbors came up to welcome me and kindly let me know that the girl who lived there before me moved because she found a man in her apartment one night.  As in, she was lying in bed, she heard a sound, she walked into the living room, AND THERE WAS A PERSON WHO WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.  Supposedly he was leaving.  And unarmed.  Though neither of these facts did anything to slow my heart rate.  Not one bit.

Besides Cautionary Dog getting run over by a car, this is my biggest fear.

So I keep my door locked.  All the time.  Cautionary Husband recommended that I move the TV in front of my door before going to bed so that I won’t stay awake listening for every little sound.  If I hear the sound of a TV crashing to the ground, however, I’m screwed.  So I keep my cell phone on my nightstand.  And my mom is hooking me up with some pepper spray.  One thing I’ve never thought about in my life is where in the world one buys pepper spray.  As far as I know, it fits into the category of things one must be “hooked up” with, like weed.  My stepdad says he knows a sheriff.

After some thought, I decided to use the guitar instead of the TV.  I figured, just as noisy, only not so heavy.  You know, ’cause I’m a weak 120-pound girlie girl with girlie girl arms, and lifting that TV every night is just not happening.

Today when I came home for lunch, I found my front door was open.  FUCK, I thought, it’s happened already.  So I wandered in, pushing the door further open with my fingertips.  The first thing I saw was a ladder leaning against the living room wall.  So these robbers wanted to what?  Check out to see if I dust on the tops of my bookshelves?  Make an exit onto the roof?  I turned the corner to find my landlord and repairman in the kitchen, trying to fix the ceiling light.

“That’s some dog you got there,” the repairman gruffs to me, and I see my bedroom door is shut.  “We had to shut him in there.  He’s vicious, growling and barking.”  “Really?”  I said.  “He never barks.  Are you sure he was barking?”  The repairman turns to the landlord, and he confirms.  “Yep. Had to shut him in there, and he didn’t like that one bit.”

My chest swelled with pride at my little guard dog who has never protected my home from so much as a roach, who loves on every single individual who sets foot inside his abode, and I have to assume that he doesn’t discriminate between folks who are invited to be there and folks who aren’t.  Because, according to him, they’re all there to see HIM.

When I opened the bedroom door I found him huddled against the wall, shaking.

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Turns out I got me a Cautionary Guard Dog.

  1. Awww!! so proud of CD!!

    I remember the first time my dog barked at a deliver guy, I was so proud of her for protecting the house!

  2. I hope you gave CD a big ole slobbery hug. What a good boy. 🙂

  3. DB

    Ha ha ha! Poor CD. He used up all is bravado and then had to shake in the corner.

    When I was an RA in college, I had to walk outside to lock up the lobby at night (ghetto dorm). I told my parents I was scared to do it and I thought I might get some pepper spray or something. They told me no, buy yourself a whistle, and if anyone ever tries to attack you, blow your whistle at them. They reasoned the person would be so caught off guard by my whistle-blowing that they’d abandon their attempt to abduct me or something (?!). Mom and Dad went so far as to buy me one, but I never had the opportunity to use it, thank God.

  4. k

    haha aw! they sell pepper spray at academy, by the way!

  5. You can get pepper spray at a hardware store. I’m sad that I know this fact. (It’s because I got chased by two crazy dogs once on a run, and my mom/husband/everyone told me to buy some.)

  6. Poor CD! Hopefully he’s ok by now. Good to know you have such a good guard dog though!

  7. Lindsay

    Came across your blog, I laughed out loud. I’ve had dogs before that would probably offer a burglar some beer and pretzels. good to know your has some fight in him 🙂

  8. Sheena

    CD is my favorite dog. He just needed a chance to protect you!

    I laughed about “they’re all there to see HIM” oh yes oh yes!

    I’ve wondered where to buy pepper spray too…

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